Stone me

Big up to Ann Widdecombe. Others may snigger at the news that the shadow Home Secretary's new House of Commons assistant used to manage Shaun Ryder, the Happy Mondays and Black Grape front man, perhaps the world of popular music's leading exponent of enthusiastic mind expansion; not us.

Big up to Ann Widdecombe. Others may snigger at the news that the shadow Home Secretary's new House of Commons assistant used to manage Shaun Ryder, the Happy Mondays and Black Grape front man, perhaps the world of popular music's leading exponent of enthusiastic mind expansion; not us.

No, we have been worried about Miss Widdecombe's grasp in this area ever since she first announced her plans to clear the streets of desperate cannabis users; a worry compounded when we heard her referring to these wretches as being "potted". Now she will at least have a ready source for improving her argot.

Moreover, we think this imaginative Tory initiative to supplement the expertise of shadow cabinet members deserves to be extended: 1) Archie Norman should cast around for a good stand-up comic. Bruce Forsyth may be looking for work soon, we understand. 2) Michael Portillo would benefit from someone who knows about figures. Is Peter Snow back from the States yet? 3) William Hague needs an effete, southern designer-water swigger. Sorry? No, Seb Coe's from Sheffield. Dale Winton?